Prior to granting forgiveness, it is my belief, that the offending party must do the following: They must take responsibility, be remorseful, and repair or make restitution.
Jesus makes this point in Matthew 18.
"And if your brother sins (KJV-against you), go and reprove him in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. "But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed. "And if he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax-gatherer.
It is not required of you to overlook an offense, rather, go to your brother. In fact, there are consequences to not taking responsibility, being remorseful and repairing. They are to be treated as a Gentile. (Do we do this today?)
Then Peter came and said to Him, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.
Now, if your brother repents, you are required to forgive him, an unlimited amount of times. Unity of the body is of utmost importance.
"For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a certain king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves. "And when he had begun to settle them, there was brought to him one who owed him ten thousand talents. "But since he did not have the means to repay, his lord commanded him to be sold, along with his wife and children and all that he had, and repayment to be made. "The slave therefore falling down, prostrated himself before him, saying, 'Have patience with me, and I will repay you everything.' "And the lord of that slave felt compassion and released him and forgave him the debt. "But that slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and he seized him and began to choke him, saying, 'Pay back what you owe.' "So his fellow slave fell down and began to entreat him, saying, 'Have patience with me and I will repay you.' "He was unwilling however, but went and threw him in prison until he should pay back what was owed.
Jesus then gives an illustration of this. A king is settling accounts (If your brother sins, go to him). He couldn’t repay, so he was to be sold as a slave. (This was God’s law). However, the man took proper steps by taking responsibility, showing remorse (falling down, prostrated himself) and promising restitution. And the king, felt compassion and “released and forgave him his debt”. This is what we are required to do, when one follows the steps to seek forgiveness. Note that if the man had not repented and followed the right steps as indicated, he would have been sold, he and his family, to repay the debt. It says nothing about the king forgiving him without the debtor first falling down and prostrating himself.
Jesus then continues as to what will happen if we don’t forgive, when the proper steps are taken as illustrated when the man refused to forgive his debtor: "He was unwilling however, but went and threw him in prison until he should pay back what was owed."
Jesus had a strong rebuke.
"Then summoning him, his lord said to him, 'You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you entreated me. 'Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, even as I had mercy on you?' "And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him.
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In light of this, look at the following verses.
"Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. Luke 17:3
"And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, 'I repent,' forgive him." Luke 17:4
"If you forgive the sins of any, their sins have been forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they have been retained." John 20:23
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. ( Confess-homologeo- to speak the same, to agree). I John 1:9
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